Years ago, I happened across an online comic called The Jar. It was pure
random insanity, but still nothing compared to the forum attached to
it. The Montrose Academy Forums were heavily into role playing and so it
was populated by an array of strange characters ranging from angels to
demons to timelords to cyborgs to gods to God knows what. I knew right
away they were all insane . . . and definitely my kinds of people. I
wanted to join the Madness, but needed inspiration for a persona of my
very own.
I turned to my favorite book, Reaper Man, by Terry
Pratchett. It's part of the Discworld series. If you haven't read it (Do
so) the plot is essentially this: Death has been fired! To pass the
rest of his days, he got a job working on a farm. Since living people
aren't able to recognize Death for what he is, he needed a name, one
that would let him blend in. He settled on Bill Door, and so did I.
I spent years calling myself Bill Door wherever I went on the internet
and got quite used to it. But then my Sister-in-law introduced me to
Cafepress and the idea of selling things online took root. The problem
was, if I was going to have anything even remotely resembling an online
business, using a name stolen straight out of a book just seemed . . .
unprofessional. I could go back to my real name, but I was just so used
to being Bill, what should I do?
I decided to give my online
persona pseudonym of his own. The first name was simple enough, since
Bill is short for William. Eventually I got tired of typing that out and
just shortened it down again, this time to Will. The hard part was
Door. Since I couldn't think of a name related to Door off the top of my
head, I resorted to the bits and pieces I could still remember from my
high school Spanish class.
And there you have it. Will la Puerta. I always said it wasn't as interesting a story as it might sound. Do you believe me now?
No One's Called Mr. Sky
The following quote is from Reaper Man and takes place shortly before
Death gets his job on Miss Flitworth's farm and is still standing
outside the old lady's front door.
"My name's Miss Flitworth."
Yes.
She waited.
"I expect you have a name, too," she prompted.
Yes. That's right.
She waited again.
"Well?"
I'm sorry?
"What is your name?"
The stranger started at her for a moment, and then looked around wildly.
"Come on," said Miss Flitworth. "I ain't employing no one without no name. Mr...?"
The figure stared upward.
Mr. Sky?
"No one's called Mr. Sky."
Mr. ... Door?
She nodded.
"Could be. Could be Mr. Door. There was a chap called Doors I knew once. Yeah. Mr. Door. And your first name? Don't tell me you haven't got one of those, too. You've got to be a Bill or a Tom or a Bruce or one of those names."
Yes.
"What?"
One of those.
"Which one?"
Er. The first one?
"You're a Bill?"
Yes?
Miss Flitworth rolled her eyes.
"All right, Bill Sky..." she said.
Door.
"Yeah. Sorry. All right. Bill Door..."
Call me Bill.
