Why Is It Always Bill?

Why do I always seem to find the Grim Reaper associated in some way with the name Bill? I've already told you about Bill Door, but that's not the only one.

The Mighty Boosh, Season 1, Episode 3: Howard Moon dies after being mistaken for a terminally ill gorilla and is being driven to Monkey Hell. What is the name of his dark, robed, skeletal taxi driver from beyond the Styx? Bill, of course.

In Meet Joe Black, Death takes a man's body to experience the world through human eyes. Who does he pick to be his guide? Wealthy businessman Bill Parish (Anthony Hopkins).

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey not only has Death in it, but he's played by William Sadler. Coincidence?! Yeah, probably, but it's still fun to point out.

Of course we can't forget The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy where the Grim Reaper, after loosing a bet, is forced to become friends for life with the two children mentioned in the title.

Even the unspectacularly drawn and often twisted webcomic, Cyanide and Happiness, managed to work in a Bill/Death combo:

In Memory of Bill Door's Fun in The Play Pen

I spent a couple years on the Montrose Academy Forums as Bill Door until it was taken down suddenly and without any sort of warning or explanation. A few of us managed to find each other and pull back into a new community called The Play Pen Planet.

Here I've got a few snippets of the wackiness I got up to with the insane denizens of The Play Pen which is, unfortunately about to fold due to lack of interest amongst its members and the expense of continuing to pay for webspace. Typos are included and it is presented exactly as recorded.

Gonna miss it. There's something about being an enormous, black robed, scythe wielding skeleton with flaming blue eyes and a talking yellow sticky-note on his forehead that just makes life a lot more Interesting.

Update: Well, the good news is that even though the Play Pen is gone, the community continues! We've packed up and begun somewhere else - a little place called The Spire.

We're Distracting

* hanyou_gez is onto the third section...you are all distracting her!
Bill_Door: We're very distracting.
Bill_Door: It's the glittery ball gowns.
Bill_Door: by the way, Rob, yours really brings out the color of your spleen.
Rob: thanks Bill, that's really what I was going for
Rob: It's nice to know all my hard work has payed off
Rob: and Bill, honestly, I love how yours really shows off your figure
Bill_Door: And where'd you get those shoes?
Bill_Door: Oh, thank you.
Bill_Door: I've always been told that if I lost even more weight I'd make a great model.
Rob: Oh, don't say that Bill, you look beautiful the way you are
Bill_Door: Well, it's not like I ever took it too seriously.
* Bill_Door hides the feather behind his back.
hanyou_gez: ...
* hanyou_gez is quite disturbed
Bill_Door: and distracted?
hanyou_gez: Wait, need to keep that feeling for my writing
Bill_Door: Good.
Bill_Door: Rob, I think our job is done here.
* Bill_Door removes the ball gown, revealing his robe.
Rob: It was a real pleasure working with you on this project Bill, hopefully we can do it again sometime
Bill_Door: You did bring your regular clothes, right?
Rob: ...
Rob: I knew I forgot something
Bill_Door: You really should pay more attention to these things.
Bill_Door: Remember the time you forgot the parachute?
Rob: yeah... I felt real close to you that day though
* Bill_Door ripples as if to begin a flashback, then stops.
Rob: Best if you don't do that Bill...

To The Mines!

Bill_Door: Why?!
Bill_Door: Why, Cod? Why have you abandoned me?!
* Bill_Door eats a fried fish.
Tokkan: I think it's because you eat fish in bed
Bill_Door: Well, I don't sleep, so I've got to do something in it.
Lackey_h: o.o;
Bill_Door: What?
Bill_Door: WHAT?!
Bill_Door: Hold me back, Tokkan!
* Bill_Door pretends to strugle for a few seconds.
* Tokkan holds Bill's back
Tokkan: OK. Now what?
Bill_Door: just don't drop it.
Bill_Door: This floor's a mess.
Tokkan: Kay
Bill_Door: I don't want my vertebrae to get dirty.
Lackey_h: o.o;
Bill_Door: What?
Lackey_h: O.O;
Bill_Door: WHAT?!
Bill_Door: Hold me ribs, Tokkan!
* Tokkan grabs bills Ribs
Lackey_h: there's a budgie in your head.
Tokkan: ooh... Pork.
Lackey_h: I can see it through your nose.
Bill_Door: ....oh . . . that . . .
* Tokkan eats Bill's Ribs
Bill_Door: That's for good luck.
Lackey_h: Like... miners budgie?
Bill_Door: and to keep the mice away.
Bill_Door: I was going to get a cat, but it wouldnt' fit.
Lackey_h: ... why would you even need a miners budgie? Coal gas wouldn't affect you...
Bill_Door: I wouldn't want the flames to go off.
Bill_Door: there might be an explosion.
Lackey_h: ... come to that, do we even *have* any mines around here?
* Bill_Door hears a whistle blow.
Bill_Door: The mines!
* Bill_Door rushes down a nearby hole.
Lackey_h: oh...
Lackey_h: i guess we do
Bill_Door: Budgie: That answer your question, buddy?
Lackey_h: yes.
Lackey_h: But now i wanna know how you talk o.o
* Bill_Door is standing next to Lackey all of sudden.
Bill_Door: Don't ask the bird.
Bill_Door: Everyone knows Budgies don't understand english.
Lackey_h: oh.
Bill_Door: Budgie: Yeah, dumbass.
Lackey_h: ah!.. . *eyes the budgie* ... o.O
Bill_Door: don't stare up my nose like that.
Bill_Door: It's rude.
Lackey_h: But... eh.... nevermind.
Bill_Door: Budgie: *Chuckles.*
Lackey_h: ... ... no... no... just my imagination
Bill_Door: Sticky-Note: "*Chuckles.*"
* Bill_Door is suddenly emerging from the mine.
Bill_Door: Damn right it is.
Lackey_h: AH! *points at Bill-from-the-mine*
Bill_Door: What?
Lackey_h: AH! *points at Bill-next-to-him*
* Bill_Door is no longer standing next to Lacky
Lackey_h: AH!
Bill_Door: What's YOUR problem?
Bill_Door: Budgie: Probably been out in the sun too long.
Lackey_h: ... ...
Bill_Door: You should wear a hat.
Lackey_h: i... i'ma... gonna go sleeps.
Lackey_h: yes.
Lackey_h: Sleep.
Bill_Door: Budgie: Won't help. The world will stil be here when you wake up.

Evil Skull Bunny

hanyou_gez> want me to post now?
Bill_Door> yes.
hanyou_gez> yes?
Bill_Door> yes.
hanyou_gez> yes!
Bill_Door> ja!
Tokkan> Woo!
hanyou_gez> si!
hanyou_gez> hai?
hanyou_gez> okay, we're done.
Bill_Door> Tokkan, you do the French one.
Tokkan> Oui!
hanyou_gez> KILL HIM
* hanyou_gez grabs the pitch fork
Tokkan> BILL TOLD ME TO
Bill_Door> to get you killed, of course!
hanyou_gez> Too bad!
Tokkan> If it makes it any better, I had to think a bit before I could remember that!
Bill_Door> Hold still and take it, Tokkan.
Tokkan> And it's french ANYONE should know
Bill_Door> Take it like a man.
Tokkan> Like Bon Voyage
Tokkan> ...
hanyou_gez> gasp!
Bill_Door> but we don't all know how to spell it.
* hanyou_gez grabs another pitch fork.
Tokkan> I don't want a pitchfork up the ass
* Bill_Door is selling pitchforks.
Tokkan> (hence, like a man)
Bill_Door> I should have gotten this gig years ago!
Tokkan> brb, Laundry!
* hanyou_gez throws them at Tokkan like darts
Tokkan> A good time for you guys to mutilate me, as I won't be able to defend myself
hanyou_gez> do I get a cuddly toy if I hit him?
Tokkan> *Implaled on a wall*
Bill_Door> yes.
hanyou_gez> Woo!
hanyou_gez> Cuddly toy, plz.
* Bill_Door hands Gez a black fluffy bunny, with a skull face.
hanyou_gez> aww, so cute
Bill_Door> here you go, little lady.
* hanyou_gez is bitten by the black fluffy bunny, with a skull face.
hanyou_gez> ...
Bill_Door> ...funny, it was supposed to be a toy . . .
hanyou_gez> so cute <3
* hanyou_gez puts it in a cage where it begins to chew on the bars
Bill_Door> Step right up, folks! Pin the pitchfork on the Tokkan! Everyone's a winner!
hanyou_gez> I've always wanted something to guard my bedroom
Bill_Door> what's going to guard it?
hanyou_gez> That.
* hanyou_gez points at empty cage.
hanyou_gez> ...
Bill_Door> I think its saliva ate through the bars.
* hanyou_gez brings her feet up on her chair.
hanyou_gez> It... just wanted a little more space... I'm sure
Bill_Door> Yes, like Hitler, it needed breathing room.
Bill_Door> Also like Hitler, I think it just invaded Poland.
* Bill_Door turns on the news.
Bill_Door> See?
hanyou_gez> I'm so proud.
* hanyou_gez sniffles.
Bill_Door> I'm sorry, I just laughed myself a headache at the mental image of a bunny invading Poland.

I Am I, Will la Puerta

At the same time that I decided my pseudonym needed a pseudonym I was on a bit of a Don Quixote Kick. So I thought, "Hey, maybe Will la Puerta is what happens when my Bill Door persona has a bit of a mental breakdown?" It seemed oddly appropriate. He is, after all, bony, hollow faced, and with eyes that burn (possibly with the fire of inner vision). Is it surprising that he may conceive the strangest project ever imagined? To become a knight errant and sally forth into the world, righting all wrongs!

Anyway, that's meant to explain the old image I made back then and put in my first post. Yes, it's Death with the "Golden Helmet of Mambrino" stuck on his head after a triumphant day of tilting at windmills.

This could also explain the following bumper sticker:

I was asked for the story. Now you're stuck with it.

Years ago, I happened across an online comic called The Jar. It was pure random insanity, but still nothing compared to the forum attached to it. The Montrose Academy Forums were heavily into role playing and so it was populated by an array of strange characters ranging from angels to demons to timelords to cyborgs to gods to God knows what. I knew right away they were all insane . . . and definitely my kinds of people. I wanted to join the Madness, but needed inspiration for a persona of my very own.

I turned to my favorite book, Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett. It's part of the Discworld series. If you haven't read it (Do so) the plot is essentially this: Death has been fired! To pass the rest of his days, he got a job working on a farm. Since living people aren't able to recognize Death for what he is, he needed a name, one that would let him blend in. He settled on Bill Door, and so did I.

I spent years calling myself Bill Door wherever I went on the internet and got quite used to it. But then my Sister-in-law introduced me to Cafepress and the idea of selling things online took root. The problem was, if I was going to have anything even remotely resembling an online business, using a name stolen straight out of a book just seemed . . . unprofessional. I could go back to my real name, but I was just so used to being Bill, what should I do?

I decided to give my online persona pseudonym of his own. The first name was simple enough, since Bill is short for William. Eventually I got tired of typing that out and just shortened it down again, this time to Will. The hard part was Door. Since I couldn't think of a name related to Door off the top of my head, I resorted to the bits and pieces I could still remember from my high school Spanish class.

And there you have it. Will la Puerta. I always said it wasn't as interesting a story as it might sound. Do you believe me now?

No One's Called Mr. Sky          

The following quote is from Reaper Man and takes place shortly before Death gets his job on Miss Flitworth's farm and is still standing outside the old lady's front door.

"My name's Miss Flitworth."
Yes.
She waited.
"I expect you have a name, too," she prompted.
Yes. That's right.
She waited again.
"Well?"
I'm sorry?
"What is your name?"
The stranger started at her for a moment, and then looked around wildly.
"Come on," said Miss Flitworth. "I ain't employing no one without no name. Mr...?"
The figure stared upward.
Mr. Sky?
"No one's called Mr. Sky."
Mr. ... Door?
She nodded.
"Could be. Could be Mr. Door. There was a chap called Doors I knew once. Yeah. Mr. Door. And your first name? Don't tell me you haven't got one of those, too. You've got to be a Bill or a Tom or a Bruce or one of those names."
Yes.
"What?"
One of those.
"Which one?"
Er. The first one?
"You're a Bill?"
Yes?
Miss Flitworth rolled her eyes.
"All right, Bill Sky..." she said.
Door.
"Yeah. Sorry. All right. Bill Door..."
Call me Bill.